I forced myself to go out to a bar last night for a drink, by myself, on my own to see what it would feel like to be single again. It has been a long time since I have been seriously single—almost four years. I didn’t feel anything but ambivalence, to tell you the honest truth.
I didn’t see anything that I hadn’t seen a hundred times before. I didn’t imagine that my perfect match would bump into me and suddenly discover that true love would be in our futures. I didn’t imagine that I would even meet anyone new, which was true. I met no one that I hadn’t met before.
I spoke with a few friends. I met someone there whom I sincerely felt like I had been sent to meet this particular evening, though—someone who since he knocked at my door 8 years ago to rent a room—has been in my prayers. We actually got to speak for a few moments. After the conversation was over, I sensed my time at the bar was over. I left quietly.
I didn’t feel disappointed because I hadn’t gotten a number or a prospect. I didn’t feel as if life was over because everyone there was about 20 years younger than I. I didn’t even really care that I was single. I sincerely believed that for the first time in my life I was okay with being by myself and happy to be free of the burden of pleasing anyone.
I have a good friend I called a couple days ago and said, “Is there something I can do to feel pretty again?” Of course, making an allusion to the song from “West Side Story.”
This straight man just laughed. He said, “I can bring you some ribbons and bows.”
I told him, “I have Bo’s. Maybe ribbons would help.” We both just laughed.
It is true that the one thing that you lose when you stop dating is the knowledge that you are attractive and have something special to offer. I hope I don’t lose the understanding that I am an individual made of God’s divine, unlimited good. Beyond that, the exterior is just a mirror image of that good.
I try to stay healthy, in shape, groomed, in style, and mostly happy with myself. I know that mostly meeting the right person has to do with our right disposition, not our looks. So, meeting someone is probably not going to happen in a bar. It’s going to happen in a place where two minds and personalities can unfold and unlock in a pace that is equal to and no greater than the quest of relationship that is about to unfold. Of course, most of that is in God’s hands anyway.
With that, I hope that anyone who is single and reading this is motivated to get back on the horse and start this new year with gaining a better perspective of themselves and the idea of how and where dating begins—with you!
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Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or http://www.bosebastian.com.
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