Avoidant Relationships and Sex

Avoidant Relationships and Sex.

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When Is Old Too Old to Enter the Dating Scene?

I forced myself to go out to a bar last night for a drink, by myself, on my own to see what it would feel like to be single again. It has been a long time since I have been seriously single—almost four years. I didn’t feel anything but ambivalence, to tell you the honest truth.

I didn’t see anything that I hadn’t seen a hundred times before. I didn’t imagine that my perfect match would bump into me and suddenly discover that true love would be in our futures. I didn’t imagine that I would even meet anyone new, which was true. I met no one that I hadn’t met before.

I spoke with a few friends. I met someone there whom I sincerely felt like I had been sent to meet this particular evening, though—someone who since he knocked at my door 8 years ago to rent a room—has been in my prayers. We actually got to speak for a few moments. After the conversation was over, I sensed my time at the bar was over. I left quietly.

I didn’t feel disappointed because I hadn’t gotten a number or a prospect. I didn’t feel as if life was over because everyone there was about 20 years younger than I. I didn’t even really care that I was single. I sincerely believed that for the first time in my life I was okay with being by myself and happy to be free of the burden of pleasing anyone.

I have a good friend I called a couple days ago and said, “Is there something I can do to feel pretty again?” Of course, making an allusion to the song from “West Side Story.”

This straight man just laughed. He said, “I can bring you some ribbons and bows.”

I told him, “I have Bo’s. Maybe ribbons would help.” We both just laughed.

It is true that the one thing that you lose when you stop dating is the knowledge that you are attractive and have something special to offer. I hope I don’t lose the understanding that I am an individual made of God’s divine, unlimited good. Beyond that, the exterior is just a mirror image of that good.

I try to stay healthy, in shape, groomed, in style, and mostly happy with myself. I know that mostly meeting the right person has to do with our right disposition, not our looks. So, meeting someone is probably not going to happen in a bar. It’s going to happen in a place where two minds and personalities can unfold and unlock in a pace that is equal to and no greater than the quest of relationship that is about to unfold. Of course, most of that is in God’s hands anyway.

With that, I hope that anyone who is single and reading this is motivated to get back on the horse and start this new year with gaining a better perspective of themselves and the idea of how and where dating begins—with you!

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Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or http://www.bosebastian.com.

I am trying to spread the word about my blog and I need your help. Please let your friends know it exists, if it gives you hope and blesses you each day. I write this Blog as a part of Finding Authentic You Ministries. If you would like to send an offering or a tithe, your donation would greatly be appreciated: 5001 Maywood Drive, Nashville, TN 37211.

And I would be greatly pleased for you to share anything that you read by clicking the share button in Facebook.com/bo.sebastian, or add it to your Twitter at BoSebastian; or LinkedIN at Bosebastian5@gmail.com; or find this blog home at http://www.FindingAuthenticYou.com. Any of my books can be found on Amazon or Barnes and Nobel, just by typing my name in the search header.

When Enough People Find a Spiritual Epiphany, Will Heaven Come?

An old theory exists called the “The 100th Monkey Theory.” Basically, the Hundredth Monkey phenomenon is the purported paranormal spurt in a learning curve that happens when enough individuals share the same idea. If large enough numbers of people think, or learn the same thing, a kind of nonlinear process occurs where everyone learns it everywhere else, even without direct exposure. Or so the theory goes. Ideas are in the ethers, as it were, and are picked up by a psychic osmosis.

So, if this theory stands, then if enough people are seeking spiritual truth, then eventually the entire world will also find it. Will this be what Jesus called heaven on earth? And is this what the spiritual speed-up is all about?

(An Aside: I have totally quit thinking about dieting, obviously, and began to focus on what is important, and interestingly enough, the less time I think about food, the better I do. Just an FYI for the thousands who are worrying that I might not reach my goal. I do have a rigorous yoga workout tomorrow morning and a long hike on Saturday scheduled. Maybe the combination of the two will be enough to reach my intended goal of 12 pounds. We’ll see.)

Maybe if enough people lose weight, we’ll all lose weight. I like that idea. You know the idea of a circuitous route to our world’s worst problems are actually in this 100th monkey theory. It’s all around us every day.

Just 10 years ago, it would have been completely taboo for a country singer to be involved in a human rights campaign or a HIV-related fundraiser. But now the taboo has been lifted by a community of like-minded thinkers who have raised the awareness of many. These particular people just happen to be the writers and the producers of films and television shows that are infiltrating the smaller minds of people who would never be exposed to things like interracial marriage, gay rights, GLBT families, and even things like stem cell research. All of these things were looked at as Satanic in years past. But now we look at all of them as something to be moving toward in the near future.

I was surprised to see that marijuana was on the platform of so many states’ ballots. I don’t know why I was so surprised. I know many people who use marijuana illegally. I know plenty more who use alcohol in a worse way. Why not legalize pot and get some of this crime off of the streets and protect the users from tainted and possibly fatal drugs, when the government could be regulating it? In a world where everything this is copacetic, nothing really seems impossible to the mind that believes all things are in divine order and in balance.

I am reminded of the story in the bible where Peter has a dream about food being placed before him that is not in the Jewish Law. Peter questions God about being able to eat it. God say something like, “All creatures are lawful.” I can’t remember the exact scripture and don’t feel like looking it up. I’m sure there are bible scholars saying…. GEEZ, really. But, the gist is: That God wanted Peter to preach to the Gentiles. He used the idea that the law was created to keep the children safe from impurity. But the law is meant for children. Not adults in spirit. So, can we live by the dictums created by lawgivers who were trying to protect us from things we couldn’t see? The problem is that we still have to protect the children. I suppose that is why so many religions exist today.

I remember a time in my personal life when I thought homosexuality was a sin. I am thankful for that thought, because it kept me from practicing this belief during a time in NYC when AIDS was being spread rampantly and with knowledge. I probably would be dead right now, had I not been so caught up in the belief that I was a sinner. This law was a very high fence to keep me from harm and death. I’m a better person to have grown up through that law and see a bigger picture now—to see God all in All.

If you haven’t read “A New Earth” by Eckhart Tolle, definitely give it a read. It’s a beautiful book that will change your way of thinking.

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Bo Sebastian is a Hypnotherapist and Life & Health Coach, available for private sessions to QUIT SMOKING, Lose Weight, New Lap-Band Hypnosis for Weight Loss, CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! at 615-400-2334 or http://www.bosebastian.com.

I am trying to spread the word about my blog and I need your help. Please let your friends know it exists, if it gives you hope and blesses you each day. I write this Blog as a part of Finding Authentic You Ministries. If you would like to send an offering or a tithe, your donation would greatly be appreciated: 5001 Maywood Drive, Nashville, TN 37211.

And I would be greatly pleased for you to share anything that you read by clicking the share button in Facebook.com/bo.sebastian, or add it to your Twitter at BoSebastian; or LinkedIN at Bosebastian5@gmail.com; or find this blog home at http://www.FindingAuthenticYou.com. Any of my books can be found on Amazon or Barnes and Nobel, just by typing my name in the search header.